Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Whiners, dressers and nothing more

Bombarded with emails by disgruntled undergrads- as usual they hate me for the grade I've given them! And I thought I was being good this time and giving them an A inspite of their appalling politics (or lack of it) and appalling grammar (or lack of it). anyhow, this post is meant to be cathartic - I am sick of being nice and mean at the same time and writing fako emails like "It was a good job but...."

I bought a dresser yesterday. I have no idea why. A dresser is one of the million things that are a great reflection of pointless consumerism (like an I pod) - you definitely don't need one but convience yourself you can't do without it. I mean what's so bad about stuffing your undies and socks in poly bags for chris sake! They aren't that prettty anyway.
Ofcourse, you cannot forget the other BIG use of dressers - to decorate it with photo frames and scented candle (unfortunately no rolling eyes icon available here).

After that piece of mindless writing I feel rejuvenated. SO back to work. TA

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Do you think your partner's nose is too big for her face? Does her face become a big fat nose for you when she starts talking? Do you feel awful about thinking that way?
Does your girlfriend's neigh'y/snorty laughter make you want to crawl under the table in embarassment? Do you feel awful about thinking that way?

Does your bf's yellow teeth want you to get him a miracle whitener? Do you feel awful about thinking that way?

Does your girl's sing song voice drive you up the wall? Almost as much as chalk screeching on a black board? Do you feel awful about thinking that way?

Don't fret. Don't get sleepless nights. You are not alone. Come to Mommy. She is there for all you "Guilty about having negative thoughts about your partner".
Call 1866-iamabitch.
PS: By popular demand the offer has been extended to feelings about non-partner type friends as well....:P

Monday, May 29, 2006

It's not all bad!

Here I go again - indulging in my favorite activity - philosophising without a cause. I realised that I always write about "yankiness" in an almost derogatory way - as if it's a contagious disease and I am slowly discovering the symptoms that I have of this shameful illness. But that's not really how I feel about this place and its people.

Just talking to ma about the "Changing India" syndrome (yaya the same old thing I keep blabbering about, people of our type getting too rich for their own good) and I realzied that one of the BIG reasons I like the culture here is cos of the mandatory self-sufficiency it instills in you. There are no maids (or "help" if you want to be politically correct) to do your washing cooking and cleaning (yes, there is the Molly Maid variety but that's REALLY different from the maid situation back home). Graduate students do jobs like waitressing and housecleaning to earn some extra bucks. The middle class cannot afford the luxury of depending on a bevy of helpers to get them thru the day. And somehow, I think, that makes a big difference in the lifestyles and thought processes of the middle class here.

How come none of my friends who work real jos here think a $16 sandwich in NYC is cheap or that tipping a parking lot attendant 30 bux makes them cool? (For reference read PS).

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Summah Tiiiime

This is strictly for Ma Baba
A description of the summer in our backyard.
I am sitting with my laptop on the round green glass table placed bang in the middle of my backyard with a nice big green umbrella protecting my pale skin (ha haha ha) from the sun. Wanda is lying on my feet. there are bees and crazy looking flying insects all around making bzzzing suzzzing brrring noises.
There is a green bird feeder right in front of me - a mama robin and it's too- big -to- be- a- baby baby robin is squeaking behind it. Mama goes to take a drink of water from the little pond the kids have made on my left.

A huge sqirrel squirrels away and wanda goes crazy - it was so big that we thought it's a bunny (yup we have some of those here as well). There are pretty wild yellow flowers scattered all around - unfortunately they are weeds and have to go before the next downpour. (That's what Annette tells me)

The Italian woman from next doors is trying her hand at gardening - I refused to beleive she is an Italian at first cos she looks like a plump cheerful Punjabi aunty. But she is gardening in her balck underwear - so I guess she CANNOT be punjabi!

Mmmm, lovely breeze - thank god for that cos the termeprature has already hit "make me crabby" levels.
Unfortunately, that;s all the time I had to waste - now back to work....

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Movie update

On a happier note, saw this good (I refrained fromm saying "Great" cos I am still mulling over it) movie yesterday - Girl in the Cafe. Recommended by my current favorite yoga teacher (!!!). Aprt from the fact that it's really funny how seriously we take her - she said "watch the movie" and we ordered it on netflix immediately, I would say it was a good idea.

The movie starts off kind of slow - a middle-aged man meets this pretty Scottish girl in a cafe in London and the first half hour is a very realistic portrayal of awkward courting and shy moves. I loved both the actors - no pretentions, no melodrama, and so endearing..

The second part gets more political - a pretty on-the-face depiction of negotitations and political compromises that go on in the "big boy" meetings ( This one was G-8 meeting in Iceland...Bjork-Land!) . Now that i think about it - the movie was a mixture of Lost-in-Tranlation (the emotion part of it) and The Constant Gardener (the Political part). Hmm, actually on second thoughts, I can safely say it was a GREAT movie - I am updating my profile and adding it in my list of favorites!

And since the end was overly optimistic it saved me from the near hysteria I had after watching Constant Gardner and didn't give sleepless nights!
I TOTALLY recommend it :)

The Scottish girl (I am sure the movie was more powerful cos she was so beautiful!) said some brilliant quotes by Nelson Mandela. And even if it makes me sound naive - I know Britian is not really fighting against poverty in Africa, it made me happy that at least people would think about the injustice of it. The part when she is sitting at the fancy dinner (see image above) with the 8 "great men" who coulkd change the world and she says "while you are eating your souffles at this conference, ... a child is starving to death every 3 seconds in Africa".. Snaps her finger, "Here went one", pauses for 2 secs, snaps her fingers again "and here goes another one", should have given people indegstion for at least a day.

I know, social critics will analyse the feeling I got as "feeling good about myself, I did a good deed by thinking about Africa while eating my chocolate ice cream in front of a HBO movie" - yess it's terrible. It's as terrible as giving $1 charity for "starving children in XYZ place" while I buy a shirt wirth $25, or in India buying a Johnson and Johnson product just cos they claim that 1% goes to "charity"...
There is no BUT at the end of that statement. I have nothing to say in defence.

I got my 20 seconds of guilt and realization last night. Did I do something about it? Not yet.

Friday, May 26, 2006


"You could probably buy Namibia with that picture," he said, estimating the first picture of Pitt and Jolie's baby would be worth $5 million."

I usually don't get that outraged with short reports but this article from got me ready to SCREAM. Not becauase anything the reporter said was wrong - but just the thought that he was right was appalling beyond anything I can emote on a blog. Ok, I'll have to write later - maybe it's cos I am tired, sleepy and home -sick. I am usually not so easily angered (HAHAHA That was a joke for you guys who know me!)

Thursday, May 25, 2006


A few things that happened since I last signed in...
1. Taylor Hicks won American Idol. Annette decided that's the last straw - first Bush , now Hicks. She will migrate to Goa.

2. Summer finally arrived in New England. Lots of rain and now temperature in the 80s. I don't know if I am too happy about that.

3. P & I decided that people have gone loony in India. Most of "our type" are rolling in money and don't know what to do with it. They either go for sex shows in bangkok, think a 16$ sandwich in NYC is cheap or tip parking lot attendants in Delhi Rs 500. And we also realized that we are the only tow geniuses left.

4. I was told Toni Braxton was originally a man who changed her sex. I believed the teller. I am not a genius at all. I am very dumb.

5. All Indians are leaving for home - except moi. I want bhel puri and padda machh. I won't get it here so I will go out in the garden and eat worms. And sulk.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Too old to ..... too young to

Are there times when you feel age less? No? Then I guess I am right I am crazy. I swear, I feel like I don't fit into any age group - or maybe I just fit into all? I don't feel any maternal feelings when I see cutie-pie babies. yesterday was my first baby shower experience, loads of opportunity to be filled with "I want a baby desires"- diaper bins to strollers were strewn around and everyone was going goo gee over the already born baby present there. Yah, I did the needful and behaved like a normal 27 year old woman by picking up the baby, squealing at it and making retarded peek- a -boo faces at it, but did I want one for myself ....No thanky.

Then last month when my roomy's 10 year old daughter was visiting and she wanted me to clim trees and go tadpole hunting with her, did i laugh and say "oh no I am too old for all that?" Nah, I happily joined in, not as a babysitter but an active tadpole hunter....

But then when I go for my below 25 friend;'s house and am surrounded by white undergrady conversation about video games and what nots I feel really disoreinted and look to my "nearly double my age" best friend for sympathy...
Is it you. Is it Me
Did I watch too much TV?
Is that a hint of accusation in your eyes?

That's me

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

8 Things I look for in my...

Ok so I stole your idea - so?? You should have patented it. Too late now Ille ILLE!

8 Things I look(ed) for in my partner. (see this gets tricky when you know your partner is reading this list and judging himself accordingly .. so DON'T DO THAT PARTNER!)

1. Ability to argue without getting boring, defensive or offensive (the last part is allowed sometimes as long it's accompanied by amazing pampering & tantrum-taking skills )
2. Good humor - cliched- but it matters. Trust me
3. (Long hair optional), ability to play the guitar (preferable), good non-puppy non- dhishchik taste in music (mandatory)
4. Non religious, not conservative (PS : if you voted for BJP - you are out even if you have all the other 7 charactersistics - I guess that's that's impossible), no blatant "isms", and definitely not the type who think they are obliging women by not being sexists (cooking, cleaning, looking after yourself, secure in their masulinity or femininity etc should come naturally)
5. Not the jealous possessive kind
6. Love for adventure and traveling - not the 100th trip to Simla or New York kind of traveling though - it has to be interesting travel
7. Love for beaches, mountains, trees, flowers - and if not too much of such love at least the capacity to understand and apprecite my love for them. Actually scrap the second part - HAS to have love for beaches and mountains
8. Must have read Catcher in the Rye, liked it or conviencingly argue why he did not like it. AND should have heard of and read at least 20 non best sellers..

Although the above list already includes what I am NOT looking for, still...

1. Definitely not the fake listener kind (i am pretending to listen to your dissertation idea while I am thinking of my account sheet/architecture drawings!)
2. Should not be interested too much in finance, stocks, shares, poker, money- thingies
(Should not be able to rattle off the Fortune 500 companies and how much their CEOs are worth)
3. Should not jerk his head distractedly every time a girl in a skirt passes by
4. Should not be obsessed with weights and triceps
5. Should not be a mummy does my shopping, mummy cooks best, mummy bachao type boy

Monday, May 15, 2006

Why Mr Da Vinci? Why your code so phamous?

Found this article on a News link: The riddle of the book Da Vinci Code's mindboggling popularity.
Publishers and would-be best-selling authors are racking their brains to discover (and reproduce) the recipe for one of the greatest publishing phenomena of all time, which has sold more than 40 million copies in hardcover and has now settled in for what's expected to be a reign of Victorian proportions at No. 1 in paperback.

Is it Brown's canny combination of religious conspiracy theories, secret societies, code-cracking and art-historical mumbo-jumbo? Has it tapped into a wave of anti-Catholicism following a rash of sex-abuse scandals in the church? Does it satisfy an emerging hunger for feminist theologies? Is it the novel's choppy but breathless pace, with nearly every one of its 105 brief chapters punctuated by a cliffhanger? Or is it, by now, chiefly a case of snowballing fame, with many readers buying the book just to see what all the fuss is about?

So being a queen at wasting time, i am going to skulk around (on people's blogs) and unearth the mystery...
I'll start tonight. For now, back to surrogate mommies...
PS. If anyone who has read the book stops here - pls leave a note as to why you loved/liked/hated/were indifferent to THE BOOK...
Thanky oo

Results: 1 hate blog , I (I would infer) Love Blog
1. Da Vinci is a Steaming Pile of Horse Manure: I infer, that the problem the haters have with the Code is that it tries too hard to make fiction look like fact. I confess that I had forgotten that Brown says on his first page that the book is based on true historic facts (ok kill me for missing the most important fact!). I just assumed that it's the usual "inspired" piece - take the "facts" with a truck-load of salt. Ohho, did a couple of you actually take EVERYTHING seriously?? Tch Tch, poor naive souls :)
2. He who traced the footsteps of Langdon: This chappy must be a lover cos he actually remebered all the places Langdon visited in the book. I am sure that's one charm of the book - all touristy destinations you have already/or plan to visit. makes the book more identifiable. (But then why is Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter such a hit? No one's been to Rivendell or Hogwarts!) Ok cancel inference.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Saw this at a random site and loved it...Isn't it cool??

Sinful Songs and Bilking Books

Songs that I should Hate but Don't ... maybe it IS therapy time

1. Shakira Hips Don't Lie
2. Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten
3. Black Eyed Peas: Pump it?
4. K T Tunstall: Black Horse and Cherry tree
5. 50 cents: In da Club (and the bhangra version I just heard!)

Books I shouldn't admit liking cos no one who is aatel is supposed to But Do...

1. Da vinci Code: Catch any one our kind of "we are different" variety who accepts liking this book! Well gah, I liked it. So there.
2. Winnie the Pooh: Nah, I don't care for the Tao choa of pooh, just the original innocent version is what I read every month at least once!
3. Fudge-a-mania: I passed the teenager stage a zillion years ago, I was never a teenage boy, but this one remains by unarguable favorite.
4. Enchanted wood series: Yes yes, Enid Blyton is a sexist. We need to rewrite her books in a more politically correct way. But till then, let me enjoy my Moonface, Silky, Fatty and Buster in peace...

Books I should like but Sorry I DO NOT:
1. Midnight's Children: WHAD THE FUHH?? Is all I can say to Rushdie's books - all except Haroun and the sea of stories. Maybe I am dumb. At least I am smarter than the rest of you, who hate his style but can't accept it!
2. Pretty pretty Jhumpa rani's Interpreter of Maladies: Ya ya she won a lot of awards. But most of her tales are told by every dida in Bengali households to their grand kids... not very original. And all you haters of Arundhati, all her good/bad politics aside, at least she experimented with writing style.
3. Love in the Time of Cholera: I like Marquez, but this one was so over rated. I kept waiting for the Marquez touch but all I got was a love story.
Give me the much less dhamakedar "No one Writes to the Colonel" any day.
4. Catcher in the Rye..... Got you there! I am just joking - that's one of my favorites! I am still waiting to ask a NYC cab driver "Where do the ducks go in the winters? "...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Yankiness sneaking into me, slowly

I know I know I should be writing my paper abstract but feel too tired!
Since I always have some inspirational factor for writing a post - let me launch on to why this one is about the "Yankiness sneaking into me"... eeks, ok ok I'll accept it, I just voted on an online poll - who I thought actually deserved to be kicked out of American Idol.. I even know the names of all the contestants, my favorite (Paris) got voted out a couple of weeks back and yesterday the cutie Chris.. aaaaaaaaaack I should kill myself.

In my first year here, my group of Jamaican friends tried to get me hooked on to this show and I resisted without any trouble. I sniggered at them every tuesday when they would all go hysterical over some wannabe singers. Look at me now, I run home from dinners and libraries as soon as the clock approaches 8:30.. BAAH TO ME

well, maybe that's not really yankee-ism. I mean all the auntyjis of India watch Kyuki saans bhi as religiously as I watch AI, so that's got nothing to do with the culture here?? Somehow I am not convienced.

To top that TV crime, I've started ordering sodas with my food. I thought, if not any patriotism or cultural difference, my kanjoosi would prevent me from getting addicted to this soda-wine with food culture. But no. I am weak. On the food bit, I confess, that I also bought fat-free yogurt, organic bananas and avacados yestreday from TJ. I joined yoga, (said OM - oh no don't tell baba!), but I was good - at least I resisted the urge to join in the yankee MANTRA chanting "AUM NAIMO SIVAIIYAI"..! Hyuk HYuk. It was quite surreal actually to be in a room full of old white women chanting away so seriously - I had to physically stop myslef from laughing hysterically...

I take allergy pills in the morning, take the dog out for a walk, shovel snow, yell "wassup, howareryou good" at people without wanting to know the answer or waiting to hear their question. I say "I REALLY appreciate that" and "THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD' in the exact right fake tone. In the 'who says "Uh huh" "Oh REALLY?" the maximum time and most irritating way' contest, I would possibly win.

I'll be officially there when I go for therapy. But then I would kill myslef before that - Jana gana man.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Architects Inc.

Almost in continuation with my last post "who would have thought!" - went for this talk by a radical Jewish architect Daniel Libeskind whose main claim to fame in this country is winning the WTC reconstruction contest. I was apprehensive about going for a talk by an architect - I mean that's hardly been of any interest for me before this. I am, almost, anti- buildings and all my life whenver Ma baba have given us a choice of going to see some historic buildings or going to the sea/hills I've voiced my preference quite vociferously. I made exceptions only when the building was super old (like some 15th century church) or super famous (like salim chisti ka dargah).

But I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the man's talk - it helped that he was quite witty and humorous (could tell he that given many such talks) and said quotable one -liners like " architecture is like music, altho there are systems and structures, what matters most are the emotions" or "all buildings have something to say. Yes even the kitschy ones with reflecting mirror walls. They are saying that they have nothing to say!"

Inspite of my no love lost for buildings, architecture as a subject has been favorite one out of all the sciences. I guess cos it lies somewhere between the arts and teh sciences? I used to envy my archietct friend who had the ability to work creativity into sciences, combine Foucault and Sassen with autocad (or whatever they use!). Yestrday at the talk, Libeskind made me envy them even more - he was talking like a poet, philosopher, musician and theatre director but had created tangible buildings which people could walk into, touch, see, hear... it was quite amazing. I was swooned by another thing he said "architecture to me is not about concrete and steel but more about light. Buildings are not just for people to live in but there are to get the light to us even when we are in"(and though it sounds cliched it sounded so real when he said it!) And he did have a fantastic way of playing with lights in all his buildings especially the Imperial war Museum and the Jewish museum in Berlin.
Ah well, it's too late to change my career track - and as A & P keep saying architects get rich only when they cross 60 (altho sociologists NEVER get rich so what am I laughing about!)

Monday, May 08, 2006

Who would have thought!

Caught myself running down the stairs with a camera in my hand in a near frenzy just because I saw a bright orange bird near the feeder. I've never been much of a bird lover - I still can't tell the difference between a Blue Jay and a blue bird, or for that matter a robin and a sparrow! But living with Annette and Anne seems to have rubbed off on me and I 've become a hysterical bird chaser!
So that's the event that inspired this post - things that I've learnt to love because people I love, love them!

LA, has to be the first that I write about. If you notice quite a few of my posts have refernces to that city. Yah, I like that city, it's pollution and incessant sirens notwithstanding. But I would not have loved it the way I do if it wasn't for Adi. As I keep telling him the only city I really love is Nainital - all others kind of grow on you overtime. But A's love for the city, it's weather, beaches, people and pace is infectious and I find myslef comparing all cities to LA - nah not to NYC or Boston, the places closer to where I live, it's always LA. The other day in NY, got into this heated argument with my sisters - who were all for the city of Ny, it's people, buildings and art and I got so defensive! And started throwinga ll the problems with the city at them - the weather, no natural beauty, hysterical pace of life, rude people etc etc! I felt like laughing at myslef for that...

Electronic and hip-hop - The former genre of music would have never entered ny ipod just cos I wasn't aware it existed and my reaction to the latter has ALWAYS been EEYYUUUU. But now you see me marching down the trail listening to some early morning (nah I lied about that, still can't listen to it in the morning), late morning Blue Boy, Bran Van and the most sacrilegous "In da club" (this epitome of dhishick song by 50 cents)... Two years back, I would have NEVER dream of listening to these volutarily but then vegas and boy in pony tail happened :)

Cricket : Yup, I am not the TV sport watching kind but it started with Ma saying "baba misses not having a son only cos he doesn't have company while watching a cricket match!" (ofcourse he has his adopted son Lallu!). I have nothing against watching sports on TV but it does seem kind of pointless - your wathcing will not change the outcomse so why have heart attacks every time Ganguly makes a wrong decsion or tendulkar gets out on a duck. But cricket lovers do, so I learnt to too! I still can't make myslef stay up all night to see waht happens ( I am happy just reading it in the paper next morning) but I do sit around with the right amount of enthusiasm whenever india is playing.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Random thoughts

Had this strange experience yesterday - friend from college popped out on gmail chat and said "reading your blog sudo phish". Huh? I said how did you know that's my blog? So he says this friend of his (who I've met only once in my life), asked him whether he had an open jeep (which I've mentioned in one of my earlier posts) and from that they figured out that this blog belongs to moi! For some reason that freaked me out cos it made me realise how unaware I am of how these technology thingies work. I was under the illusion that this is equivalent to diary writing - and I can remain as ANON as I want to be. Did that freak me out in bad way or was I pretty pleased inside at being discovered? I am not sure.

I mean, a part of me got all "aiyyo let me check if I wrote anything nasty about someone" (yah I reread all my 56 posts but didn't find anything too offensive!)but another part of me felt this excitement 1) that I had been caught - just that silly pleasure that you get when Ma catches you doing something naughty that u actually wanted her to catch u doing for some bizarre reason and 2) that I have an audience beyond ma baba!

Anycase, another great thing this blog discovering did was that it got me back in touch with A (see I am back at cautious anon names!). More later gotta go yell some happy songs at robins!

ok back. Had a sneezing attack so singing postponed.

The conversation and some things that happened yesterday made me think about what emotions can be "right"fully felt for your ex-s and y-s? It's starnge, but there are some relationships that sour so bad that you feel nothing but relief that they ended and mostly nothing but BAHH for the ex. But then there are some which are more mutual drifting apart varieties, what about them? Are you allowed to retain that special fondness even after you break up (I don't mean the jump onto his/her lap kind of feelings - I'll save that bit of the talk for later or for a REALLY ANON BOLG!) or is that taboo?

That ofcourse also made me launch on to my favorite fantasy: things are great again between me and P and we are back to being the best friends we were for 4 years. Gah, I miss that guy.

Friday, May 05, 2006

lest I forget

Nothing fancy here, just a list of some of the best documentaries I;ve seen lately. Realised that keeping track of all this is very useful esp. when I am likely to be asked soon to teach a class full of American undergrads with an attention span of a ____ I don't know whichever animal has the shortest attention span!

1. Lest we Forget: On hate crimes and racila profiling of South Asian (especially Indians) and Arabs post 9/11. really hard-hitting, yes partly becasue I had no idea how pathetic the situation is here with govt. agents harrassing people from India, Middle East - basically any one irrespective of religion or nationalty as long as they were of unfamiliar color and had strange sounding names.

The most bizarre was the burning of a Hindu temple in NJ (the mob thought its a mosque) and what affected me most was the Indo-Canadian (very like us kind of woman) who was harrased to death by the custms authority cos they suspected she was a terrorist (her name incidentally was Helen Cruz or somethinge xtremely not muslim)

2. Enron - The smartest guys in the room: saw this yesterday. Brillinatly researched with the right amount of drama and information and traced out the rise and fall of Enron, their wierd innovations and ventures, their blatant lack of respect for shareholders and ordinary people, the way the CEO bailed out from the "sinking ship", the story of the whistle blower, connections with most major banks, Arthur Anderson...

3. Life and Debt is an unnerving film. It makes you feel guilty for doing something that you thought was innocuous - being a tourist. The movie traces the life of ordinary Jamaicans trying to negotiate the chanegs brought baout by structural adjustment programs. The voices of people of Jamaica, Jamaica's former Prime Minister Michael Manely and former IMF Deputy Director Stanley Fischer relate the human suffering which follows globalization in this country. What makes it especially poignant is the Juxtaposition of these voices with images of fat white tourists guzzling beer, and doing all the things we dream of doing in the Carribeans.

4. Senorita Extraviada : This movie was not just unnerving it was sinister and scary. It left most of us trembling and no this was not an unecessarily dramatic documentary. The documenatry describes the alarming situation in Juarez - a border town of Mexico, which is now being called the "capital of murdered women". More than 300 women have gone missing or have been found dead in the past 10 years and this movie unravels the politics behind this. From the role of maquiladoras, to drug traficking, prostitution, serial killers, jealous lovers and police involvement- almost all theories are explored. The killings continue..

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Marriages and Blues:Story continues

The question I was left thinking about in my last blog "Why am I so against Arranged Marriage?" I have a Pakistani friend here who has been dating a guy from Romania for over 4 years now. They made the cutest pair, just that the guy had been forewarned that she would not go against her parents wishes. She would, however much she fell in love with him, marry a Muslim guy from Pakistan. A man was just not worth breaking up relationships with her parenst - she said. But, I would argue with her, isn't it a "man" who you would probably have to spend many many more years with and in closer proximity to than your parents?

What if he was all wrong for you? What if he was a BIG sexist who wanted you to stop working after school? Or wanted you to wear a veil? Or more subtly just inherently thought he was just obliging you by "treating you as an equal?" what if you could not make conversation? what if he liked to make money while you liked to hike? what if he had never read a decent book in his life? what if he liked Hum aapke hain kaun or Titanic? what if he liked playing internet Poker all weekends? what if he refused to change nappies of your kids??? HUHUHUHUH?? what would you do then?

Well these things are alwats a gamble, she would argue back. Whether I choose him or my parents do. Atleast if an AM goes wrong I can still have the support (guilt) of my parents. What if I chose the wrong guy AND went against my parents. What would I be left with then??

Yah, but aren't the chances of going wrong multi fold when the "choosing" is done so artificially? (That's me arguing back, obviously). I mean, how wierd is it to be meeting a guy for dinner or a movie with just ONE intenstion - gauging his suitability as your potential husband? EEYUUUU! And how much of his real self will you actually get to see in such "chanced" meetings??

She would get all factual at this point and start throwing figures at me "Studies show that the chances of divorce are higher in "love" marriage, if not as much.. ".
Well, maybe those studies are right. But then (here my training as a sociologist helps!), look at the sample you are comparing. Isn't it likely that the women who agree to have their marriage arranged internalise the "norm" that women should be ready to compromise whatever be, and that they are more likely to believe divorce is not an option?

What do you think??? Ain??

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