Marriages and Blues:Story continues
The question I was left thinking about in my last blog "Why am I so against Arranged Marriage?" I have a Pakistani friend here who has been dating a guy from Romania for over 4 years now. They made the cutest pair, just that the guy had been forewarned that she would not go against her parents wishes. She would, however much she fell in love with him, marry a Muslim guy from Pakistan. A man was just not worth breaking up relationships with her parenst - she said. But, I would argue with her, isn't it a "man" who you would probably have to spend many many more years with and in closer proximity to than your parents?
What if he was all wrong for you? What if he was a BIG sexist who wanted you to stop working after school? Or wanted you to wear a veil? Or more subtly just inherently thought he was just obliging you by "treating you as an equal?" what if you could not make conversation? what if he liked to make money while you liked to hike? what if he had never read a decent book in his life? what if he liked Hum aapke hain kaun or Titanic? what if he liked playing internet Poker all weekends? what if he refused to change nappies of your kids??? HUHUHUHUH?? what would you do then?
Well these things are alwats a gamble, she would argue back. Whether I choose him or my parents do. Atleast if an AM goes wrong I can still have the support (guilt) of my parents. What if I chose the wrong guy AND went against my parents. What would I be left with then??
Yah, but aren't the chances of going wrong multi fold when the "choosing" is done so artificially? (That's me arguing back, obviously). I mean, how wierd is it to be meeting a guy for dinner or a movie with just ONE intenstion - gauging his suitability as your potential husband? EEYUUUU! And how much of his real self will you actually get to see in such "chanced" meetings??
She would get all factual at this point and start throwing figures at me "Studies show that the chances of divorce are higher in "love" marriage, if not as much.. ".
Well, maybe those studies are right. But then (here my training as a sociologist helps!), look at the sample you are comparing. Isn't it likely that the women who agree to have their marriage arranged internalise the "norm" that women should be ready to compromise whatever be, and that they are more likely to believe divorce is not an option?
What do you think??? Ain??
What if he was all wrong for you? What if he was a BIG sexist who wanted you to stop working after school? Or wanted you to wear a veil? Or more subtly just inherently thought he was just obliging you by "treating you as an equal?" what if you could not make conversation? what if he liked to make money while you liked to hike? what if he had never read a decent book in his life? what if he liked Hum aapke hain kaun or Titanic? what if he liked playing internet Poker all weekends? what if he refused to change nappies of your kids??? HUHUHUHUH?? what would you do then?
Well these things are alwats a gamble, she would argue back. Whether I choose him or my parents do. Atleast if an AM goes wrong I can still have the support (guilt) of my parents. What if I chose the wrong guy AND went against my parents. What would I be left with then??
Yah, but aren't the chances of going wrong multi fold when the "choosing" is done so artificially? (That's me arguing back, obviously). I mean, how wierd is it to be meeting a guy for dinner or a movie with just ONE intenstion - gauging his suitability as your potential husband? EEYUUUU! And how much of his real self will you actually get to see in such "chanced" meetings??
She would get all factual at this point and start throwing figures at me "Studies show that the chances of divorce are higher in "love" marriage, if not as much.. ".
Well, maybe those studies are right. But then (here my training as a sociologist helps!), look at the sample you are comparing. Isn't it likely that the women who agree to have their marriage arranged internalise the "norm" that women should be ready to compromise whatever be, and that they are more likely to believe divorce is not an option?
What do you think??? Ain??
posted by Amrita Pande at 8:31 PM
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