The Impostor Phenomenon and ME

I am really mad so am treating myself to a "no point in crying when no one can see you" break, abandoning my powerpoint presentation and writing a post instead.  Here's the thing: I wake up every morning with a brilliant idea for a post, the plot, the pics and even some sexy title but by the time I have my first cup of tea, I somehow forget what it was all about. But here's one I feel the urge to write about, partly cos it is connected to why I am mad. Oh well, I might as well tell you the reason, I was just informed that I am not eligible for a DIVERSITY fellowship cos altho it is true that I am UNDER REPRESENTED and "DIVERSE", unfortunately I am not either in the right way. Namely, I am not an American born black woman. So here I am, stuck with a useless personal statement that I managed to make witty at last after hours of work. All in vain. Bah gah gooh pah

Oh well, on that happy note, back to the post for today. I just learnt that I suffer from a new disease. I also learnt that I am not the only one who suffers from it. It's calle.d the "The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Woman". And here are the symptoms:  An internal experience of intellectual phonies, which appears to be particularly prevalent and intense among a select sample of high achieving women. Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the imposter phenomenon persists in believing that they are really not bright and  have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise. Self-declared impostors fear that eventually some significant person will discover that  they are indeed intellectual impostors.  One women stated, “I was convinced that I would be discovered as a phony when I took my comprehensive doctoral examination.  I thought the final test had come.  In one way, I was somewhat relieved at this prospect because the pretense would finally be over.  I was shocked when my chairman told me that my answers were excellent and that my paper was one of the best he had seen in his entire career.” 

Cure: Multi-Modal Therapy,

Oh well, so that's it then. That's what we all have in grad school. we smart phd type women. The imposter disease. We have fooled them till now, with the GRE scores, the applications, the personal statements, the comps exams and publications. Now it's Judgement Day and they will pack us back home with Amitabh Bachchan style "Tera Baap chor hain" (your father is a thief, famous dialogue from the movie Deewar?) branded on our hands. Of course the message for us would be "Tu intellectual chorni hain" (you are are an intellectual imposter".