IF YOU CLAIM TO BE SANE AND ARE YET GETTING MARRIED
Dobby died .. for the third time. And I sobbed again, for the third time. Some of the things that proves to me, without doubt, that I am a loony. I mean, isn't Dobby a house-elf in a book of witches and wizards that most probably is not true!!
And then the time when I was given the ring in the most romantic way and I giggled hysterically? LOONY!
Or how about the lack of breath attacks before the wedding? LOONY LOONY!
Ok now that I am at that topic, let me quickly write the post I've been meaning to write for a while. Sorry Dobby, I love you, maybe much more that I love Potter, but this one is not about you...
Tips for the sane-to-be-married-types OR TEN THINGS I LEARNT THIS DECEMBER
1. DO NOT GET A PHOTOGRAPHER FOR YOUR WEDDING. IF YOU MUST, AND YOUR PARENTS ARE UNRELENTING, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT FOLLOW YOU AROUND WHEN YOU ARE EATING OR CRYING BECAUSE NO ONE IS LETTING YOU EAT
2. HAVE A BIG BREAKFAST/LUNCH/SNACK BEFORE YOU HEAD OFF FOR YOUR WEDDING. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD THEY WILL STARVE YOU TO DEATH AND MAKE YOU SMILE AND GET PICS CLICKED WITH 500 STRANGERS
3. DO NOT, I CANNOT STRESS MORE, DO NOT GO TO A PARLOR TO GET 'PRETTY' FOR THE OCCASION. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN INDIAN BRIDE WHO LOOKS NORMAL? TRUST ME, YOU ARE SO MUCH PRETTIER WITHOUT THE GOOEY WHITE AND PINK AND RED STUFF THE PARLOR WOMAN WILL FORCE ONTO YOU. (IF YOU INSIST ON PAYING A BOMB TO AMBIKA PILLAI TYPES - BE LIKE ME - GO TO A PARLOR, PAY A BOMB, THEN CRY ONCE YOU LOOK AT THE MIRROR RIGHT BEFORE THE BARAAT ARRIVES, WIPE OFF ALL THE MAKEUP, EAT A CHOCOLATE AND TAKE THE PLUNGE)
4. DO NOT INHALE THE SMOKE (IF IT'S A FIRE WEDDING), THERE ARE CHANCES YOU'LL FEEL EVEN MORE STONED AND START GRINNING RETARDEDLY (LIKE I DID .. ALL THE PICS ARE A LIVING PROOF)
5. AVOID RED, FIGHT THE AUNTIES AND MUMMIES AND CHACHIS AND TAIS (VARIOUS INDIAN AUNTIES) AND INSIST ON WEARING A COLOR YOU ARE COMFORTABLE IN.
And then the time when I was given the ring in the most romantic way and I giggled hysterically? LOONY!
Or how about the lack of breath attacks before the wedding? LOONY LOONY!
Ok now that I am at that topic, let me quickly write the post I've been meaning to write for a while. Sorry Dobby, I love you, maybe much more that I love Potter, but this one is not about you...
Tips for the sane-to-be-married-types OR TEN THINGS I LEARNT THIS DECEMBER
1. DO NOT GET A PHOTOGRAPHER FOR YOUR WEDDING. IF YOU MUST, AND YOUR PARENTS ARE UNRELENTING, MAKE SURE HE DOES NOT FOLLOW YOU AROUND WHEN YOU ARE EATING OR CRYING BECAUSE NO ONE IS LETTING YOU EAT
2. HAVE A BIG BREAKFAST/LUNCH/SNACK BEFORE YOU HEAD OFF FOR YOUR WEDDING. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD THEY WILL STARVE YOU TO DEATH AND MAKE YOU SMILE AND GET PICS CLICKED WITH 500 STRANGERS
3. DO NOT, I CANNOT STRESS MORE, DO NOT GO TO A PARLOR TO GET 'PRETTY' FOR THE OCCASION. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN INDIAN BRIDE WHO LOOKS NORMAL? TRUST ME, YOU ARE SO MUCH PRETTIER WITHOUT THE GOOEY WHITE AND PINK AND RED STUFF THE PARLOR WOMAN WILL FORCE ONTO YOU. (IF YOU INSIST ON PAYING A BOMB TO AMBIKA PILLAI TYPES - BE LIKE ME - GO TO A PARLOR, PAY A BOMB, THEN CRY ONCE YOU LOOK AT THE MIRROR RIGHT BEFORE THE BARAAT ARRIVES, WIPE OFF ALL THE MAKEUP, EAT A CHOCOLATE AND TAKE THE PLUNGE)
4. DO NOT INHALE THE SMOKE (IF IT'S A FIRE WEDDING), THERE ARE CHANCES YOU'LL FEEL EVEN MORE STONED AND START GRINNING RETARDEDLY (LIKE I DID .. ALL THE PICS ARE A LIVING PROOF)
5. AVOID RED, FIGHT THE AUNTIES AND MUMMIES AND CHACHIS AND TAIS (VARIOUS INDIAN AUNTIES) AND INSIST ON WEARING A COLOR YOU ARE COMFORTABLE IN.
IF THEY THROW A FIT WHEN YOU MENTION BLACK, GO FOR SOME EARTHY SHADE. DON'T FALL FOR ALL THAT GARBAGE THAT EVERYONE FEEDS YOU "OH, RED LOOKS THE BEST IN PICS. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE UNDERDRESSED FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING"...
I SAY, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A CLOWN FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING, DO YOU?
6. DONT BOTHER LOOKING AT AND GETTING EXCITED ABOUT THE MENU. YOU WILL NOT GET TO TASTE ANY OF IT
7. DONT RUN AFTER PEOPLE (ESPECIALLY OLD FRIENDS WHO YOU HAVEN'T MET FOR 100 YEARS) ASKING THEM TO COME FOR THE WEDDING. YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER IF THEY TURNED UP. MEET THEM FOR A COUPLE (OR A DOZEN) OF BEERS AND MARTINIS BEFORE THE WEDDING INSTEAD
8. PLAN TO ESCAPE IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE WEDDING. ESCAPE TO SOMEPLACE FAR FAR AWAY. WHERE NO AUNTIES CAN CALL YOU FOR DINNERS LUNCHES, BREAKFASTS AND FAMILY GATHERINGS
9. HAVE AN EXTRA ROOM READY FOR ALL THE USELESS GIFTS. YOU WILL NOT NEED THE UGLY SCULPTURE OF QUEEN VICTORIA, OR THE BIG FAT FENSHUI PENGUINS, OR THE THICK STUBBY WINE GLASSES, THE BIG BLOBS OF GOLD THAT AUNTYJI NO 3 GAVE, OR THE 5TH PACK OF PURPLE CUTLERY SET. AS FOR THE FLOWERS.. AH WELL!
10. NOW I KNOW WHY DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE RATES ARE LOWER IN INDIA. I MEAN, WHO CAN GO THOUGH THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?
I SAY, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE A CLOWN FOR YOUR OWN WEDDING, DO YOU?
6. DONT BOTHER LOOKING AT AND GETTING EXCITED ABOUT THE MENU. YOU WILL NOT GET TO TASTE ANY OF IT
7. DONT RUN AFTER PEOPLE (ESPECIALLY OLD FRIENDS WHO YOU HAVEN'T MET FOR 100 YEARS) ASKING THEM TO COME FOR THE WEDDING. YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER IF THEY TURNED UP. MEET THEM FOR A COUPLE (OR A DOZEN) OF BEERS AND MARTINIS BEFORE THE WEDDING INSTEAD
8. PLAN TO ESCAPE IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE WEDDING. ESCAPE TO SOMEPLACE FAR FAR AWAY. WHERE NO AUNTIES CAN CALL YOU FOR DINNERS LUNCHES, BREAKFASTS AND FAMILY GATHERINGS
9. HAVE AN EXTRA ROOM READY FOR ALL THE USELESS GIFTS. YOU WILL NOT NEED THE UGLY SCULPTURE OF QUEEN VICTORIA, OR THE BIG FAT FENSHUI PENGUINS, OR THE THICK STUBBY WINE GLASSES, THE BIG BLOBS OF GOLD THAT AUNTYJI NO 3 GAVE, OR THE 5TH PACK OF PURPLE CUTLERY SET. AS FOR THE FLOWERS.. AH WELL!
10. NOW I KNOW WHY DIVORCE & REMARRIAGE RATES ARE LOWER IN INDIA. I MEAN, WHO CAN GO THOUGH THIS ALL OVER AGAIN?
Nah, don't worry. it's not all bad at all! I saved the better parts for the other blog.
Labels: Indian Wedding
posted by Amrita Pande at 9:20 AM
2 Comments:
sA practical list of Dos and Donts for all prospective brides ! Hope at least some of them really really follow the advice. Most would -be brides look much sweeter on the functions preceding the real wedding , of course, only when they opt to look their normal selves! Many of them run to the neighbourhood Beauty Parlour for all kinds of pre-wedding functions .Yet they never learn the LESSON! What a pity!!!!
People should read this.
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