Nostagia Part IXIII
(A points out, almost possessively, that my last few posts have been all sentimental nostalgia posts. Is the past that great that you want a portkey (I guess he is complaining becasue he is missng-in-action fro the past!). Well, maybe I should start with a disclaimer. Just because I miss the past, doesn't mean I am not looking forward to the future! )
Do you sometimes have such urgent and violent spasms of nostalgia that you feel almost overwhelmed and choked up? Maybe its something about returning home.. to Delhi.. in the winters. All the sights, the fog in the morning, the dew-y back gardens, the tiny oranges on our tree, the 4 am chirps of birds..all these sights ans smells trigger off different memories. Maybe its something to do with impending "life changes" (my aunts keep threatening that drastic changes are going to take place BEWARE!).. or maybe it's just the jet lag!
My answer to the first week of jet lagled early morning wake up calls is to start jogging.. at 5 am. So as I step out and face the still moon-lit skies, and prepare to run. The two twin brown dogs raise their eyebrows at me dismissively. The chowkidar eyes me suspiciously. And then the smell of the shiuli phul (white fragrant flowers) hits me and takes me back to the winter dawns in 1994. 13 years ago when Didu (my maternal grandmom) stayed with us in delhi. Weekend morning ritual for us (me and her) was to walk down to the trees lining our back entrance and pick up all the shiuli flowers off the trees and from the ground. Didu would finish her poojo (her own non-religious version of it involved singing some melancholy Rabindro sangeet) and put those flowers in a bowl with some water.
On a totally different terrain, a couple of years later. A totally different set of sights and sounds. I am peering down the steep cliffside monastery somewhere near Spiti valley. A truck goes rolling in the dust thousands of feet below me. The day ends with the sun setting behind the snow-covered rocky mountains. We sit with our arrack in broken cups stolen from the only guest house amidst purple and yellow flowers in the pea meadows and watch the sky change colors. P sulks about something or the other I had said to him and G tries to end the fight with a bouquet of flowers.
The back stairs of Players auditorium on a crisp sunny winter afternoon. All the actors and directors are trying hard to be creative. But all we end up doing is smoking, eating the oily chhola bhatura and drink endless cups of teas. The masks we made for Gum and Goo are sitting pretty (actually ugly). We are dying to try them on but they aren't dry yet. Mojo is standing red-eyed in a corner trying to get into character. Sidey sits in another corner, trying out his baseball cap which will transform him into a little boy. I am sure I will forget all my lines. I am hoping Mojo takes off just his shorts and not everything else underneath this time when he changes in front of the audience. Or maybe I am hoping ....!
The queer cry-ee happy feeling on the first day of a new crush. Ahhh.. haven't that for a while!
Do you sometimes have such urgent and violent spasms of nostalgia that you feel almost overwhelmed and choked up? Maybe its something about returning home.. to Delhi.. in the winters. All the sights, the fog in the morning, the dew-y back gardens, the tiny oranges on our tree, the 4 am chirps of birds..all these sights ans smells trigger off different memories. Maybe its something to do with impending "life changes" (my aunts keep threatening that drastic changes are going to take place BEWARE!).. or maybe it's just the jet lag!
My answer to the first week of jet lagled early morning wake up calls is to start jogging.. at 5 am. So as I step out and face the still moon-lit skies, and prepare to run. The two twin brown dogs raise their eyebrows at me dismissively. The chowkidar eyes me suspiciously. And then the smell of the shiuli phul (white fragrant flowers) hits me and takes me back to the winter dawns in 1994. 13 years ago when Didu (my maternal grandmom) stayed with us in delhi. Weekend morning ritual for us (me and her) was to walk down to the trees lining our back entrance and pick up all the shiuli flowers off the trees and from the ground. Didu would finish her poojo (her own non-religious version of it involved singing some melancholy Rabindro sangeet) and put those flowers in a bowl with some water.
On a totally different terrain, a couple of years later. A totally different set of sights and sounds. I am peering down the steep cliffside monastery somewhere near Spiti valley. A truck goes rolling in the dust thousands of feet below me. The day ends with the sun setting behind the snow-covered rocky mountains. We sit with our arrack in broken cups stolen from the only guest house amidst purple and yellow flowers in the pea meadows and watch the sky change colors. P sulks about something or the other I had said to him and G tries to end the fight with a bouquet of flowers.
The back stairs of Players auditorium on a crisp sunny winter afternoon. All the actors and directors are trying hard to be creative. But all we end up doing is smoking, eating the oily chhola bhatura and drink endless cups of teas. The masks we made for Gum and Goo are sitting pretty (actually ugly). We are dying to try them on but they aren't dry yet. Mojo is standing red-eyed in a corner trying to get into character. Sidey sits in another corner, trying out his baseball cap which will transform him into a little boy. I am sure I will forget all my lines. I am hoping Mojo takes off just his shorts and not everything else underneath this time when he changes in front of the audience. Or maybe I am hoping ....!
The queer cry-ee happy feeling on the first day of a new crush. Ahhh.. haven't that for a while!
posted by Amrita Pande at 4:34 AM
11 Comments:
is it not a strange paradox ;of the years of our lives the more we persist for a newer tommorow, the old haunts us even more ?
hmm that's a poetic way of putting that... Do i know Ms/Mr Anon?
yes
:)
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