Aiyo swami

Sometimes I am convienced I am crazy, or on speed without realizing it. How else can I explain my mood swings - from retardedly enthu to nobody loves me I love nothing syndromes. But then blogs are not supposed to provide some meditative "I am in peace" type feeling are they?
Do other ppl suffer from the dhobi ka doggy syndrome as well? I mean, I wish i was there but then I am not sure I don't want to be here and definitely not sure that I would be less whimpery there?

Why am I pretending to be this depresso kisan when I am actually absolutely happy - except for those brief moments when I find excuses to make my (and my boy friend's life!) miserable...

Just yesterday had this amazing catfish meal at Chinatown, it made me ridiculously happy but also miss shorshe baata ilish maachh , ma baba, our tiny garden in the cold january sun, the popcorn/mirchi aalu chips waala outside the gate and the endless fights I could have with my "take them for granted" friends... It feels so wierd sometimes to say "don't worry about it" " no problem" when u would rather say fuck you & "that sounds good " when u all you want to do is raise your eyebrow loaded in sarcasm and say " paagal hain kya, who wants to do that?"
hmmmm

This goddamn Phd takes too long .. it's one of those days .. as one famous speedy gay guy once said " i would have thrown myself out of the window, just that I lived on the first floor and didn't have enough energy to climb the stairs to the roof.."
Amen